The Vita Escort – On What To Never Buy at a Thrift Store

| May 30, 2014


Go ahead and call us hipsters if you want to, but we love hitting up the thrift store every once in awhile. Our prized possession? A vintage Miller Lite mesh volleyball tank that we wear anytime we’re around a pool.

On top of scoring some serious threads, thrift stores are the epitome of frugal shopping. No matter if you want an outfit for a theme party, a shopping cart full of throw away tees or new kitchenware, your local secondhand store’s got your ass covered for super cheap.

But in-between all the good stuff, there are a couple items you need to avoid, too. That’s why we’re letting you know now that if you end up walking out with any of these, it’s more than just a little messed up.


5. Shoes

With so many shoe websites out there that have deals everyday, you’ll never catch us spending $4 on used shoes that someone just threw out. We literally run our shoes into the ground, leaving holes, dirt and a filthy-ass stench.

If we can’t put up with our own garbage, than why would anyone want to buy other peoples’?


4. Electronics

You’ll definitely be saving money, but unless thrift stores become an underground supplier to Sony, we’ll happily pass.

Forget about dead technology, the crap they’ve got sitting around is borderline dinosaurean (yes, that means it’s old). Just think what your friends will think when you roll in with a brand new (old) CD player. It’s like you’re being transported back to the mid-’90’s, and you’re excited about something that no one’s ever seen before.

It’s been done before, so let some other sucker waste money on it.


3. Combs

Want lice? Go ahead and get yourself a comb.┬áIt’s disturbing to even think about.

We get a little grossed out when the chick at the barber shop uses the ones that have been sitting around in that blue “disinfectant” after a quick cut, so you best bet your ass we’re not trusting the thrift store employees to clean off whatever the hell was on that thing before it ended up on their shelves.


2. Underwear

We don’t even trust ourselves wearing our own undies, so you really think we’re tossing on something that’s been washed with a bunch of other used clothes?

There’s a lot one has to worry about being deposited into those things at one point or another, and we’re not ready to take the risk.

If you think you’re getting a bargain on undergarments, you can use the money you saved on the medicine you’ll need to clean up that rash after wearing them.


1. Anything Around the Register

It’s common knowledge that the stuff closest to the checkout area is there as an impulse buy. At grocery stores it’s things like gossip mags, candy or beef jerky and Mountain Dew. It’s the stuff that they’re basically just trying to get rid of since it’d get lost with everything else in the store. The stuff no one would buy otherwise.

Do you really want to lower yourself to that at a damn thrift store? We hope not.

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